Latitude
by Nioiclin
Summary: Andromeda Black was just another pure blood elitist, until she wasn't.
1. Chapter One- Moments

I own my dog, my fish, and my car.

Chapter One

Moments

The great hall was a clutter of eggs and knives, warm tea and cold pumpkin juice, and screeching owls carrying the morning post; though I knew that the hall was filled with students trying to shovel food into their stomachs or last minute knowledge into overfilled brains, I couldn't hear anything over the pounding in my ears. Dolohov, Antonin Dolohov. _We're excited somebody would have you, dear. It's just wonderful, isn't it? _Wonderful? Antonin Dolohov was not wonderful. He was a cruel, foul boy who had nearly been expelled a few years prior for sending a student to St. Mungo's after an illegal duel. He is a coal haired, dark eyed knave and the only life I would have with him was the same life my mother had with my father or my aunts with my uncles or any other pure blood woman with any other pure blood man. Elaborate parties, the best robes, house elves to cater to my every whim and a beautiful mansion on top of a lovely hill. The trail of thought caused a sharp ache in my chest and something unnamed twisted in my abdomen. All of a sudden, the idea of food or my lovely sugared tea made me sick. All I wanted was to be anywhere where everybody else was not. It wasn't quite time for morning classes, but it wouldn't be odd for me to be eager either and the walk to the greenhouses really would take some extra time in this weather…

I thanked the endless days of finishing school, which made up most pure blood girls pre-Hogwarts education, for my silent gait as I approached the entrance hall and pulled my grey fur-lined cloak tighter around my shoulders. Cissy had barely noticed my departure and for that I was grateful. Excitement and planning of wedding days had filled our childhood games and I didn't have the energy to summon the enthusiasm that would be expected; at least, not enough to fool Cissy.

Narcissa, my younger sister and the youngest Black daughter, was my closest friend. For many teenaged girls, that would be heartbreaking to admit and even if she was a bit shallow, she was always loyal. She had been horribly naïve growing up, so sweet and thoughtful to anyone, that she sometimes drew my father's ire. The first time, at 8, covered her pale skin black, blue and red, but she never said one kind word about muggles again. Since then, if our father ever looked mad at Cissy, I found myself shattering a heirloom or casually mentioning one of the few Blacks that had been disowned- both were sure fire ways to get his and my mother's attention. It was better me than her; Cissy would always be my fragile, kind sister to me- the one that I taught to read by candle light, the little girl that cried as I soaked the crimson lashes on her back with tea leaves and comfry and explained that even though the little boy had been starving he wasn't like us and she couldn't offer him even a kind word, never mind the chocolate frog out of her own pocket.

In a way, that evening with Cissy set in motion a small series of events that would change my life in ways I was just beginning to realize. It was because of her that I started to study which herbs were most effective in healing physical and mental ailments, and later, what prompted me to borrow my mother's wand and practice healing charms well before my 11th year. Once I started school, my younger cousin, Sirius, knew that, as long as we could find a private place at family events, I would heal his wounds that he received as he loudly disagreed with his parent's blood purity lectures. During my third year, a Gryffindor boy melted his cauldron, resulting in severe burns to his partner, Natalia. Even Slughorn stood in awe as I healed her burns with a flick of my oak wand. He later invited me to join his affectionately (or unaffectionately, depending on who you asked) named Slug club, inadvertently bringing me to notice of Madame Pomfrey-whom I've assisted in the infirmary ever since. It was the one place I was free from my family's influence- I was able to help everyone, regardless of blood status and Madame Pomfrey encouraged me to be more than just the perfect, pure blood wife.

My parents believed that a daughter's only use was to make a respectable marriage, and even with my passion for healing, I would never have opened my eyes to any ambition beyond that of wife and mother if it had not been for the good mediwitch's constant support and encouragement. My parents kept only a vague interest in their daughter's studies. As long as we weren't failing any classes or taking a 'rubbish class' (such as muggle studies), then they were perfectly happy with ignorance. We wouldn't need a job, with the family money now, and later our husbands would support us. Their ignorance gave me the room to take the N.E.W.T level classes that I would need to become a healer. I couldn't help the day dreams of patient's smiles, and money that was mine alone- earned through hard work and not tied to any family name, even if I knew it would never be possible. It was unheard of (and an insult to one's husband) that a woman would actually like to do anything outside of having tea parties and attending fancy balls- It was all we were bred for, all that we were taught since the age of 4.

So, while my classmates took only enough classes to fulfill the graduation requirement, I was spent my time studying Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts. There weren't many other Slytherin's in my classes- only potions, charms and transfiguration- and they were all male. In Defense and Herbology, I was left to my own devices. Later, my family would blame those two classes for all that had happened, but 'all that had happened' has not come to pass, yet.

My thoughts were interrupted as I finally reached the door to greenhouse 4 and was able to find an escape from the chilly air and the rainy mist that obscured the day. I was thirty-five minutes early, but to my surprise there was already a student seated at a work table.

I hadn't consciously noticed Theodore Tonks throughout my previous years in school but as I observed him now, I was taken aback by how much I seemed to know about him. He had been Hufflepuff's male prefect since 5th year (as I had been a Slytherin prefect for the same amount of time). He played keeper for the quidditch team (and though a 'puff, he managed to block many Slytherin goals through the years), and I had seen him in the hospital wing on occasion before games and otherwise because, not only was he competition, he was also a _mudblood_. He was smart, smart enough to be in three of my newt classes- charms, defense and, of course, herbology, but he was also kind. I had seen him stand for younger students multiple times when they were being picked on, mainly, I had to admit, by members of my own house(and often my own family, he had been at the wrong end of Bella's wand often enough before she graduated last year). In the dreary social and political environment, he often laughed off the insult of mudblood and any implication that anyone without 'pure blood' wasn't worth a magical education. I had seen him cheer up other students in the face of such claims, and he held tutoring sessions in the library for anyone to attend, though it was mainly directed to other muggle borns and halfbloods.

Maybe I had noticed him, even as I overlooked his sun-bleached blond strands and dark blue eyes, even as I purposely ignored his laughter, I couldn't help but admire him. He did for others loudly, what I did for Cissy silently. He did what I wished I could do ever since Cissy gave that homeless, mudblood boy her last chocolate frog. Her actions had shamed me that day, even though she just meant to be kind. I had noticed (after an encounter that I'd rather not speak about) that even if they didn't share our blood, muggles were still human- they still bled if cut and screamed if tortured, they loved and took care of their own- just the same way magical folk did. But until that day, I had turned a blind eye and agreed mindlessly with whatever prejudice my parents spewed. Even as Cissy now nods her head at our parents lectures, and uses the term 'filthy blood' as often as she can apply it, I remember her kindness and innocence and cannot find it in myself to believe that muggles are any less than we are. Not when an eight year old did what a ten year old dared not.

An "ahem" floated through the room and I swear I jumped a mile straight in the air. Obviously, Ted had noticed me standing in the door way just as he had noticed my gaze. Just how long had I been staring at him? It could have been 10 minutes or only a second, there was no way to tell. Embarrassed at my absentmindedness, I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin a notch higher in the air. My strides were purposeful and my wandering gaze now focused firmly forward as I swept past Ted's desk to my preferred work bench in the back corner.

Sirius once observed that the only time I held myself like a Black was when I was uncomfortable. Other than that, he joked, I could easily be mistaken for any other blood traitor because, as he claimed, I just appeared too _nice_. The Blacks, like most pure blood elitist, were known for their arrogance and haughty mien, and while I always let my shyness be mistaken for snobbery, I didn't hold myself with the same commanding bearing that most of my relatives did. I couldn't silence a room with a look as Bella did; I didn't draw every man's gaze with my movements, like Cissy. Mother often called me plain, but I preferred to think of it as understated. I was pretty enough, closely resembling Bella with our father's dark hair and eyes, but my nose was less angular- a nod to my mother's Crabbe blood. Bella's hair was a moonless night sky while mine called to mind the fertile soil of a spring afternoon, and our eyes were a difference too, she had the heavy lids of our mother (giving her a sultry tilt) but mine were wide almonds set in my face. Despite these differences, before Bella's graduation unobservant students and teachers confused us more than once- a comparison that set my teeth on edge. My relationship with my elder sister left much to be desired. Maybe it was jealousy on my part; she was a favorite of my parents- receiving their approval and praise when Cissy and I always seemed to fall short of acceptable. But with Cissy developing a close acquaintance with the Malfoy's last year, it seemed I was the only one 'falling short' lately. Though, with my engagement to Dolohov, maybe mother would finally be satisfied.

Movement caused my eyes to dart up from the surface of the desk and I found myself eye to eye with an abashed looking Ted Tonks.

"Andormeda, right? I know we don't know each other, but, I, eh, managed to cut myself on the devil's snare this morning and I was wondering if you'd mind, I'm rubbish at healing charms and the weather's so dreadful that I'd rather not if possible…"A cut, it seemed, meant 'half my bloody finger is missing' to Theodore Tonks and all I could do was nod dumbly when he removed the crude parchment wrappings. It took me all of six minutes and some complicated wand work until he was as good as he was going to get (a small cut was simple, missing flesh was a different brood of owls). In dismal, I crisply instructed him to go see Madame Pomfrey for a blood replenishing potion as soon as he had a free moment. Instead of leaving, however, he settled himself in the empty seat to my right, summoning all of his belongings with a wave of his wand. And that's where he stayed (despite my scowl), as if it was the most normal thing in the world- It was just me, my pot of Devil's snare and Ted Tonks.

Some moments you only think are going to change your life and sometimes you just know your life will never, ever be the same again. I should have known as soon as he sat down.

_But I didn't._


	2. Chapter 2- Disharmony

Chapter Two

Disharmony

Hufflepuffs are known to be loyal, patient and hardworking; they are also snidely referred to as 'dull' or 'air-headed' among other Hogwarts students. We should just scrap everything and call them 'obstinate little buggers' (If I ever saw the sorting hat again, we'd have words) because no amount of muttering, dark looks, or pointed stares would get Ted Tonks to leave me be. Not only did he sit next to me in herbology all through the week, he cornered me in defense while I was searching for a partner and proceeded to start practicing hexes before I even agreed to partner with him. Thank Merlin my reflexes are half par or I'd have been stumbling around the room on jelly legs for the better part of the lesson. Just because I'd healed his finger did not mean we were suddenly best friends- if that were the case, I'd have more friends than I'd know what to do with. Did this boy have a death wish? Maybe he missed Bella's jinxes and was hoping he'd annoy me into violence?

If he wasn't so cordial (apart from the hexing me when I wasn't ready- and rumor has it he's chivalrous-ha). I'd had thought that was the cause. But every word he said to me was polite and he never approached me outside of defense or herbology (not a death wish then, even if I'd never raise my wand, any number of Slytherin's would jump at the chance). He had me so confused that Pomfrey commented on it one evening and I spilled the whole, jumbled mess to her.

If Cissy was my closest friend, then Pomfrey was my second, and also, the only one I could tell about the mystery that was Ted Tonks. Madam Poppy Pomfrey was a strict, middle aged woman, old enough to have been married once and to have achieved all of the requirements to become a certified healer. She had told me before that her estranged husband had been a cruel man and that she started her healer training upon her separation with him, but I didn't know if separation meant death or defection. Another one of her secrets and I was much too well-bred to pursue a subject that wished to be avoided. She was as much friend as mentor though, and a woman I had come to admire over my apprenticeship.

So after my story was told in as much detail as I could muster, it was slightly offensive when the first thing she did was laugh. _Laugh, _as if I'd just told the most brilliant joke that had ever crossed her ears.

"The minds of men are strange things, Andie, but really, who could blame the boy for taking a fancy to a young girl such as yourself?"

A fancy? Taken a bleeding fancy to? In complete shock, I stared at Pomfrey as if she'd spent a bit too much time stirring, and inhaling, the latest batch of pepper up potion. She was clearly mad with fumes; a muggle born would not dare take a fancy to a Black sister. Especially one he'd only said a handful of words to in an entire seven years. He was a nice enough bloke, but I was engaged-even if I hadn't seen my fiancé since the end of the year gathering over Christmas holidays, even if it wasn't yet mentioned in the _Profit_, even if I despised my fiancé, I was engaged- and if memory served, Ted had a girlfriend. Besides, I had heard the girls whispering about Ted before, they wanted him to ask them to Hogsmeade or hold their hands while they walked around the lake. Girls wanted to date him for his pretty eyes and his good manners.

Boys didn't want to date me, of course, girls like me weren't allowed to date. We could court, once our family gave permission, but we were never to be without a chaperone as it was unseemly. If a boy were interested in a girl like me, the correct (and only) protocol was to mention your attraction to your parents who would then contact the girl's parents to see if it was a desirable match. Technically, a boy didn't have to approach, or even talk to a girl, until the day of the announcement ceremony where he would present her an expensive gift as proof that he could maintain her. The girl would smile prettily and accept, all while the parents discussed a dowry price.

Thoughts of marriage protocol brought to mind my upcoming, but as of yet undated, announcement ceremony. It would probably take place during spring holiday, my first chance to be home since the decision was made. Cissy was jubilant, and I let her excitement carry me and cover my dread. Sleep had come rarely, and stayed even less frequently, since I received my mother's letter (and before that, if I was being honest with myself). Though loathe to admit it, I was scared. Terrified, even. I had known this would happen eventually, but I had pictured eventually to be well after Hogwarts. If I had not yet been asked for upon graduation, it was only just possible that I'd be allowed to pursue healer training until a husband could be found for me. What would my parents care that I did, as long as I attended all of the required events and smiled charmingly at all of the suitable boys? Moreover, what pure blood boy would look twice at me compared to bold Bellatrix or lovely Narcissa? Antonin Dolohov, apparently.

I couldn't even remember speaking to Antonin; certainly we never shared any special conversations, possibly 'pass the butter, please' and I may have danced with him at one formal event or the other, but I'd danced with most of the pureblood boys before and they didn't want to marry me. Pure Blood boys, I decided, were cowards until they could wield power over you.

I had left Pomfrey's absurd claim hang on dead air for too long to bother responding now, and anyway, Hogwarts was full of mischievous or accident prone teenagers, and there was never time for woolgathering in the infirmary.

* * *

"Andromeda, pst, Andromeda" a hand accompanied the annoying voice, a hand that wouldn't stop shaking my shoulder. Blurrily, the shelves before of me picked their way out of my sleepy haze, and with a glance down between my pillowed arms I spotted my potions essay and groaned. Sleep must have caught up with me in the library, and I had a suspicion that that was drool smearing my half-finished paragraph on the uses and preparation of toad eyes. Movement was further inhibited by a numb tingling of my legs and back, Merlin, how long had I been asleep? When the numbness of my extremities gave way to the pins and needles pain of returning circulation, I turned to face the person who had woken me. I should have been surprised to see Ted at my shoulder, and even though I stared hard at him for a couple of minutes to check if he was a specter of my dreams, I felt a calm sort of acceptance at the fact that he was the one to find me passed out over homework at who knows what time on a Friday evening. Acceptance followed quickly by mortification. I had at least been drooling in my sleep, what if I had snored? Or Merlin forbid, mumbled something? I felt my face grow warm at the thought, and knew I was blushing as a deep, rumbling chuckle met my ears.

"I heard you snoring when I went looking through the stacks. Don't worry though, I don't think anyone else's spotted you yet." I felt his gaze as I leaned backward over the chair back and let my arms and head just hang for a second, suspended over the red carpeted floor. At the sight of his wristwatch, a question tumbled from my mouth, "would you have the time, by chance?" He jumped at my words, and I got the impression that he hadn't really expected me to reply to him. With a glance down, he told me that it was a quarter to eight. I silently cursed Madam Pince's decision that the library should close at 8 pm every night, worried, no doubt, about her precious book's bed times.

"Well, I don't believe she has any children, so it's probably not far off the mark. Did you know muggle women replace their kids with dogs after they move out? It's quite common, actually." He said it with a crooked smile but so matter-of-factly that I couldn't tell what exactly he meant.

Unable to make sense of the statement, I had almost decided that I was still dreaming, until I realized that I must have spoken the last part out loud. I couldn't tell you, even to this day, why I did what I did next. My only excuse was that I hadn't been sleeping properly for the past however many weeks, and it should not be allowed to hold those sleep deprived to their subsequent actions- but I answered him.

"Dogs? Like crups? As a replacement for children?" The concept was absurd! My dad had a Crup, a mean spirited creature that he trained, if you'd care to believe, to _hunt_ muggles. Zilious was no parents idea of a child, unless, maybe that child was Bella. Ted noticed my disbelieving look, and asked if I was really so against the thought keeping dogs as pets. Having no answer that I wanted to give, I let the conversation come to a halt as I started to gather my supplies and stuffed them into an already overflowing bag. I allow my eyes to dart upward and said in place of a reply, "We'd better head out, before Madam Pince tosses us out"

At that moment, my stomach let out a dreadful rumble, and I swear, I froze. I had skipped dinner, not having much of an appetite, I chose instead to get a head start on my weekend homework. I tried to ignore it, and I thought I had succeeded as we slipped from the library and into the corridor, but it seemed I wasn't going to be allowed a graceful exit. Any _gentleman_ would have ignored it, but despite the rumors, I was quickly beginning to realize that Theodore Tonks was not quite the gentleman that many claimed him to be.

"If you're hungry, the kitchens are this way. I'll show you, if you'd like" I was mortified at his offer, but also rather relieved. I had a small store of candy in my trunk, but something substantial sounded brilliant. It didn't even occur to me to wonder how he knew where the kitchens were. I had always found myself questioning things less when I was with Ted; his confidence seemed to make it such that it was illogical to think that he wouldn't know where the kitchens to a magical castle where. Or any number of odd things that really, a boy capable of such an innocent smile, shouldn't know. I followed him through the corridor and down flights of stairs until we stopped a floor below ground level. After a right turn, I found myself staring up at a portrait of fruit and turned a questioning gaze to my companion. "Oh, you have to tickle the pear; I always forget that other houses don't know that"

Tickle the pear to get to the kitchens? Amusing for a school whose motto is "never tickle a sleeping dragon" but I complied, feeling slightly ridiculous as I did so, but of course the portrait swung open to allow us admittance. The kitchens were grand, the house elves friendly and before I knew it, I found myself sitting at a small table with a heaping plate of cottage pie. Ted had chosen baked beans and toast, claiming not to be that hungry. I had assumed he had accompanied me because he wanted food, but was now looking at him inquiringly, as if I could perform Legilimency and discover his intentions.

"You know, for a Black, you're not all that intimidating, at least not when you're still befuddled by sleep." He was comfortably draped over his chair, limbs falling every which way, with no sense of order at all. But his smile was back in place.

"For a Hufflepuff, you certainly are brave. Escorting a Black to the kitchens? Is that really a risk you'd like to take?" my tone was joking, but I was hoping to remind him just who I was, and by proxy, just who he was.

"A Black that heals mudbloods willingly? I'm terrified, my lady" If mine was joking, his tone was downright mocking and I found myself at a loss for words. I had never spoken so freely to a man before, honestly, I had never found myself alone with one that I might be permitted to. My mouth opened of its own accord, an apology balanced at the tip of my tongue, but I quickly closed my lips and swallowed it. I had done nothing that required apology and I had a feeling Ted wasn't the type of boy to demand one. In fact, he didn't seem the type of boy to demand much, certainly not the subordination of a woman. I was not oblivious to how the majority of girls acted, and I knew that by modern standards, the structures of wizarding society would be considered ancient. So even though it filled me with a sense of anxiety that had me tapping fingers absently on the table, I didn't apologize. I wanted to feel like any other girl with any other boy, just once. I'd probably never get the chance again, anyway. We talked that night about classes, and the weather, and with 10 minutes to curfew we separated and went our own way- me to the dungeons and Ted down a stairway by the portrait of fruit that I hadn't noticed earlier.

* * *

I was not avoiding Ted Tonks. I just slid into the loo (and one time, a first year charm class) whenever I saw him waling my way in the corridor. And I was much too busy studying during lessons to have a conversation- never mind that I always found my way to class at the last possible moment. And with the infirmary, choir meetings (I had always loved singing and auditioned my second year. It was one of the things I looked forward to most about the welcoming and Halloween feast), patrols and NEWT revision, it really was coincidental that I had barely spoken a word to anybody since Friday night. Really, I wasn't avoiding any one at all.

It was Thursday evening, and the infirmary was surprisingly empty. I found myself brewing a batch of headache potion and a calming drought to pass the time while Poppy sat at her desk sorting overflowing piles of paperwork. She had a sly look about her and had attempted conversation a couple times, but always let it trail off- never asking whatever it was that she was actually curious about. After a succession of four loud sighs, I turned to her with a tilted head and asked her if something was bothering her.

"You've just been awful quiet as of late, Andie; I noticed that you haven't been eating much at meals, and your glamour spells don't completely cover the bags under your eyes. I asked Ted Tonks if he'd keep an eye out for you, but even he says you're avoiding him now. I just wished you knew that you could always talk to me, about anything." The words took a second to process, but as I stirred the bubbling liquid twice counterclockwise and once clockwise, it all came together in my head.

"You asked Ted to look after me?" I kept my voice light, casual, I could have been asking her to pass the powdered lizard tail if it were a different day.

"He was in here, and while he didn't directly ask about you, I've seen the way that boy looks at you when he thinks nobody's watching. If there was a better candidate, then I couldn't find one. I could hardly go strolling up to your sister, now could I?" She matched me casualness for casualness, and I couldn't fault her logic. I did the best I could to make Cissy believe that I had the world at my fingertips and that no girl could be happier than I. And it explained Ted's puzzling randomness in searching me out. A rush of gratitude filled me toward both of them. Pomfrey for being concerned (and discreet) enough to worry about me and Ted for doing a favor for the school matron for a girl he didn't even know. I didn't often see kindness; as a rule, Slytherin's were only kind when you could do something for them (with some exceptions) and it left me feeling unbalanced and warm. Almost as if I'd eaten too much chocolate in one sitting, but without the sick feeling that followed such an indulgence. I flashed her a smile as I bottled and corked my concoction.

"Thank you for your concern, but I assure you I'm fine. My life is just changing rapidly and it has had me a bit overwhelmed. It feels as if I can barely keep up." I let a laugh soften the words while I levitated the completed potions to their correct shelves.

"Just make sure, Andromeda that you can live with the choices you make. Don't trap yourself now to please other people that don't have to live with the consequences." The use of my full name made me take her words as more than just idle jabber. She had called me Andie ever since my first week in the infirmary, and even though it used to make me cringe, I had become accustomed to it and anything else from her mouth felt foreign and wrong.

My brewing done, I left the infirmary with a light heart and heavy mind. It was still early, only seven, and I had half a mind to visit the library for a bit before curfew. As I was walking, however, a voice interrupted the peaceful solitude of my stroll. I recognized it as belonging to Della McCarthy, a pretty little Ravenclaw in my year. She had red-blonde hair, wide light green eyes and a smattering of freckles across her nose that made her look even more doll when combined with her petite figure.

"Teddy, I know I messed up. But it was just a kiss and it didn't even mean anything. I miss you. It's a Hogsmeade weekend soon and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me. Or we could even meet at Madam Puddifoots for a tea. I'd just like a chance to talk…" It all came out in a pleading tone, with the end running together in her rush to finish the sentence. I hadn't even noticed my pause, and released a breath I wasn't aware I was holding when Ted responded.

"Della, we've said all there is to say. It wasn't just a kiss; you admitted that it was going on for several months. I'm sorry, but there's nothing more to say" His words were clipped and it was the most unfriendly that I ever remembered hearing him. I hated owing anyone anything, most especially a favor, so I found myself rounding the corner and interrupting whatever argument Della was sure to have thought up.

"Ted! Imagine running into you here! I was just looking for you, we have that herbology project to do and I was hoping you'd be free" We didn't have a herbology project due at all, but Della had declined to continue studying plants and herbs and would have no reason to believe we didn't. After all, why else would I be looking for Ted? His look was pure gratitude, and I had to fight off an answering grin before I gave everything away.

"Good to see you, Andromeda. Excuse us, Della, we really do have a lot of work to do." For once, I was thankful that I was born a Black because years of practice were the only thing that kept my smile in place when confronted with her stare of pure malice.

We walked through a handful of turns before either of us dared to speak, but it was Ted that broke the silence. "Thank you for that, I was really sick of hearing her excuses."

"I was only repaying a favor; Pomfrey mentioned how she asked you to look out for me. It really was kind of you to go through the trouble. But, you're welcome just the same."

"You're not a bother, in fact you've always quite intrigued me and I was happy with the excuse to speak to you" I was too shy to ask him why or how I intrigued him and it seemed he sensed my discomfort, because he continued speaking, "I don't have any books with me though, and either do you. If you'd like to go to the library to make it look credible, we can, but I was thinking a cuppa would be a good way to end this night."

And that's how I found myself sitting in the kitchens once again; nursing a cup of black tea and sugar, and watching Ted pour more milk than tea into his cup. I shuddered, but didn't comment, ever since my milk curdled one time, I couldn't stand to take it in my tea. It was the second conversation either of us could claim having together; maybe third if you stretched it, but there weren't any uncomfortable lapses. Honestly, it felt like there was never a time where we didn't have tea to go with our conversation. He told me about discovering Della kissing Matthew Smith a couple of weeks ago, and how she had followed him around trying to apologize ever since. His parents, I discovered, were happily married and he had decided, at a young age, that he wanted a relationship just like theirs. He refused to settle for anything less. I was taken aback by his candor, but couldn't help reciprocating in turn- at least in the seclusion of the Hogwarts kitchens. I told him of my engagement to Dolohov, and when he just sat in silence watching me, I further explained the rituals and ceremony that surrounded traditional wizarding marriage. He didn't interrupt, only looked thoughtful as he turned over what I had said, his eyes such a deep blue that I had trouble meeting them.

"It's funny that muggles are seen as so prehistoric here, but we're so far advanced when it comes to some social structures. My mother is very for women's right, she attends all of the protests even, and it seems so strange to me that a girl would have no say in her husband. You're very courageous, I think, because you can be so accepting of such harsh circumstances, but you're also, I hope you'll excuse me, rather cowardly, too. I can't decide which one applies more to this situation" I must have looked offended, because his words sped up as he tried to remedy the situation, "I am sorry, Andrew always claims that my bluntness will be the death of me. I'd just rather everyone knew where I stand, rather than saying things I didn't mean. I wasn't trying to offend you; you really are a lovely person and that's the last thing I'd want to do."

We parted then, not on unfriendly terms, but because we realized it was just after curfew and neither of us were keen on detention. But I couldn't get his words out of my mind that night. The more I turned over the situation, and tried to look at it from different angles; I couldn't decide if I was courageous or cowardly, either. And while I didn't particularly value the brazen boldness that got so many Gryffindor's into trouble, the word coward wasn't one I wanted to associate with myself, either.


	3. Chapter 3- The Start of Something

Note: It's been forever, but real life got in the way. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint. (In my hurry to update, I didn't proof read as well as I normally do (aka a couple days) so I apologize for errors and I'll fix them as I find them.) As always, I own nothing.

Chapter 3

Start of Something

Spring Holiday fell toward the end of March this year, but March found me almost too busy to give a spare thought to the announcement ceremony or to anything, really. Exams were sat on the other side of the hols near the end of term, and though that left nearly three months, when faced with examinations that could determine your fate, three months hardly seemed sufficient. Especially with the professors' habit of assigning massive papers over spring hols-it really wasn't a surprise that this was the busiest time for the infirmary all year. I spent most of February brewing calming droughts and pepper up potions in preparation. As a prefect, I also spent a lot of my time confiscating any of the 'study aids' that were being passed among students. The most notable one that I claimed so far was a mixture of mouse droppings and soil that, according to one student, would improve one's memory when sniffed. Also, the 7th years were meeting with their heads of house for a final session of career advice before exams; my meeting had been scheduled for later that evening.

Ted and I still paired in herbology and defense, but only so much that it wouldn't look suspicious if anybody happened to be paying attention: occasional match ups could be considered coincidental, especially with the smaller class sizes and my well known preference for isolation. It wasn't that I was unfriendly, just that I was friendlier with myself than with most people. There was nothing wrong with enjoying one's own company, but as Pomfrey was fond of pointing out, I spent much of my time alone, so I was thankful for Ted's company when we could both spare it. But nobody thought anything of the match, even if I hadn't been able to escape Della's angry eyes every time that she noticed me.

Neither of us could get away to the kitchens much, but he had taken to bringing tea in a kettle to the hospital wing for me and Pomfrey when I was on duty. He claimed to be telling his friends that he was horribly anxious about his N.E.W.T.S and the quidditch cup, and that he had taken to getting calming droughts from the infirmary to keep his anxiety at bay. If he was anxious, I wasn't aware of it and I hadn't seen him taking any potions while he was there, but it was a believable enough excuse to allow him to visit. In reality, he usually sat at Pomfrey's office desk and studied. When it was slow, or if I was brewing, we would talk or quiz each other over whatever information we could think of. It was during one of these times that Ted confessed that he was interested in a job in Muggle relations. It was a more dangerous field than the name would lead one to believe- since Christmas especially many adult muggle borns and supporters of muggle rights had been reported missing in the Profit, and the majority of them have yet to be found. I didn't have to tell him that I was interested in healing; I had already informed him that being a wife would be my only job. But Pomfrey made it more complicated than it needed to be with her ceaseless hints and shoves to submit my healer's application. Making Ted curious and me irritated; why encourage something that was never going to happen? There was no point in getting my hopes up only to have them crushed. While it was true that you couldn't be officially accepted into an advanced training program of any kind without official N.E.W.T results, a student could apply before sitting their N.E.W.T.S as a way to hold their place if they achieved the required scores.

I had the feeling that I was disappointing her with my refusal to submit an application and my easy acceptance of my nuptials and entrapment in a life she knew I dreaded. In spite of her discontent, she remained forever supportive, quietly nudging but not demanding that I do anything. I was wary that she was plotting to have Ted confront me over the matter, but without proof I just felt paranoid. Ted himself was very busy, how he found time to visit us in the infirmary was a puzzle to me. Not only was he revising, but he also had prefect duties, quidditch practice and tutoring sessions to juggle. Never mind how he managed to spend some afternoons with his neglected friends. Though, I suppose his friends were studying as well, and the tutoring sessions offered him another chance to study when he wasn't answering questions.

It was one such Saturday afternoon that found both of us in the library at the same time, though with slightly different objectives. I was studying the theory of human transfiguration and he was sitting in on a tutoring session of some second years. If I was startled when he approached me with a frightened looking second year in tow, I think that I hid it well. The child was a Hufflepuff, going by his tie, and he looked about to faint at the aspect of approaching a Slytherin. Ted had a firm grasp on his shoulder though, and I thought it was to keep him from fleeing, but it could have been to keep him standing just as well. It's comical, because I've never thought of myself as intimidating, even if I was a Slytherin. I was too quiet, most 7th years in different houses knew me to be so, and didn't expect hexes or insults from me, just my silence. I knew that was why many of them assumed that I viewed myself as better than them. Obviously, my silence was due to beliefs of my superiority and not a timid nature that had plagued me since childhood. I have since heard of the 'middle child syndrome' and always got a good laugh at the concept. I suppose my elder and younger sisters did receive most of the attention, but I had always said as little as possible to avoid such notice, though my learned silence at such a young age could be part of the reason for my reserve as I grew older.

I listened as Ted explained that Nathaniel was having difficulties with brewing a swelling solution because he couldn't remember the third ingredient and Ted was drawing a blank. I asked him to tell me what ingredients he remembered, and in a shaky voice, I found out that he was only missing puffer fish eyes. I explained it to him and tried to help him to remember by describing how the puffer fish eyes were what caused the swelling reaction and telling him to repeat swelling and puffer a couple times, either out loud or in his head. He still looked scared, and Ted was fighting a laugh when I spared him a look from my kneeling posture in front of the boy. They turned, and as they were walking back to their table, I heard Ted joke that 'she wasn't so scary after all, and he was still alive, wasn't he?' The boy had grumbled back that 'maybe not all Slytherins were devils spawn' at that, I couldn't help but bite back a laugh. Devil's spawn, indeed.

At my career meeting I wasn't sure what to expect, but as I sat across from Slughorn, I knew that it wasn't this. The meeting had started out alright, with him asking after my father and mother but after I answered his inquiries regarding Bella, it went swiftly downhill from there. He sat there with his candied pineapple and tea and didn't offer me a single piece of 'what do you plan on doing after graduation, Andromeda?' Instead, he congratulated me on my engagement to such a lovely family as the Dolohovs and spent forty minutes telling me how to be a good wife. That was all I'd be expected to be. I was no longer Andromeda, merely Dolohov's wife, and I bloody well better learn how to accept it.

Even if I knew this was the way of things, it was a hard slap to be confronted with it in such a way. My future was only to make my husband happy and bring honor to his and my family's name. Bile rose in my throat as the thoughts scrambled my brain, but I managed a curtsy and a demure "Many thanks, sir" as I was dismissed. Dinner was being served in the great hall, but I couldn't find an appetite anymore, even though I'd been on the edge of starving before my meeting. I wasn't suppose to be on duty tonight, but the thought of going back to my dorm room and being strangled by such thoughts as 'property' and 'insignificant' and 'propriety' behind my curtains left me cold and the drizzle outside assured that a walk around the grounds wouldn't improve my mood.

Pomfrey didn't so much as bat an eyelash when I slid through the infirmary doors, just merely mentioned that I could brew a Drought of Peace if I was feeling restless. Thank Merlin for Poppy. No questions, no demands and a decently challenging potion to distract me from my turmoil. Oh, the questions would come, of course; she'd just allow me the courtesy of regaining my composure before the assault. I stepped into the office and began gathering my ingredients and quickly found that I could finally breath. This is what made sense. This is where I belonged. I allowed my gasps of air to even and steady, and then I set out to brew.

I was finished by seven, and prepared myself with facing Poppy; she had left me alone while I calmed down, no doubt knowing that I'd eventually seek her out. I found her in the front room, casting tidying charms. At my appearance, she smiled and drug me back into her office to have tea and a 'chat' as she so put it.

"You seemed a bit upset today, Andie. And you weren't even suppose to be on duty, not that I mind the extra help" It was a statement, but also a very real question that I allowed to hang on dead air for a second as I weighed my words.

"I had my meeting with Slughorn today. I...he... it was a bit of a joke, really. I know that I won't be expected to do anything once I'm married, but... it's hard to realize I won't even be my own person anymore. It made me feel sick. I couldn't even think to eat and I just wanted to get away for awhile." My answer was the truth, but I hated how disjointed it came out, not at all composed; why don't I just fidget while I'm at it?

She was quiet, so quiet that I thought she wouldn't reply for a second. A glance up revealed a conflicted expression on her face, so I waited in silence.

"Andie, I was contracted; it was a very long time a go and he was a very cruel man, but I understand. Once you're married in that society, you're not even a person anymore to them. You become an object, I know you know that, but you have to really think about it. If I thought for one second that you'd be happy with Dolohov; that you'd be content to be solely a wife and mother and... what ever else he has planned for you, I wouldn't say this. I would be so happy for you, but that won't be enough for you. He won't respect you. He won't want to hear your opinions on anything, you'll be a breeder to him and target practice if he gets angry. I need to be blunt with you, I know that you don't think you have any other option, but please think about this. I'd do anything I could to help you, you're like a daughter to me."

It was a past I had guessed at for her, but it still startled me. I was overwhelmed and over stressed and all I could do was let the tears quietly fall from my eyes. There weren't anymore words for how I was feeling. I didn't want to marry Antonin, I didn't want to waste my days at society parties. But my whole life hadn't been about what I wanted and the idea of getting to chose was far fetched. I felt helpless and spiraling. What did I want? A nice house and a man that could make me laugh. Children one day, but a job and a life and a garden that I could learn to tend with my own two a patients pain, making somebody laugh when they were on the edge of tears, making some small diference in the world. Being able to speak my own mind and knowing what that was. I cried for all the things I had and all of the things I would never be able to experience and I let Poppy hold me and mutter nonsense through it all. It was almost real. Almost what I'd imagine some mothers were like.

* * *

I left the infirmary around eight and headed for the kitchens feeling rejuvenated from my breakdown, even if I was starving. I can't explain how relieved I felt to finally admit how terrified I was and to talk to somebody and know that they weren't judging me. To just have them listen. The circumstances were still the same, but at least I didn't feel so alone.

It was on a corridor not too far from the kitchens that I ran into them. Ted and a handful of his teammates were mud covered and foul smelling and laughing in their matching, tattered yellow quidditch gear. My steps slowed, I was unsure how to act towards him around other people. I could just sweep by, none of them would address me, but I was also boarding the train tomorrow afternoon for the beginning of spring holiday and wasn't sure the next time I'd get to even see Ted, let alone speak to him. My indecision made me hesitate, and I know I was noticed. It was too late to turn down another corridor or disguise my destination- the next turn was the dead end that led to either the kitchens or the Hufflepuff sett and I had no choice but to continue forward.

Ted eyed me, considering something, though I'm not sure as to what.

"Wotcher, Andromeda. Headed to the kitchens?" That he addressed me at all was a surprise, that he acknowledged my destination (and in front of his friends, practically admitting that he had showed it to me) was even more surprising. I wasn't prepared for him to glance at the dark haired boy beside him and ask him to take his broom to the sett for him when I replied with an affirmative nod. The boy, Andrew, flashed a sly smile, but took the broom and made a joking salute while the other boys laughed. I had a feeling that I missed something, but their laughter didn't feel malicious, just a bunch of boys who knew each other so well that the joke didn't need to be uttered aloud. They didn't seem shocked though, and I had to wonder if Ted really had disguised his visits to the infirmary like he had claimed to. My musing didn't last long as his friends departed, leaving us alone.

He was running a knuckle over his right cheekbone, smiling affectionately after the crowd. "Sorry about them, they're good guys, but a bit of tossers" I felt anxious at being so publicly alone with him, and he seemed to sense my train of thought as he continued, "oh, you don't have to worry about them, they know that we're friends and even if they like to take the mickey out of me,they wouldn't do any permanent damage. To the kitchens, shall we? I noticed you weren't at dinner, so I figured that's where you were headed..." his sentence trailed off in an uneasy tone, like he knew that it meant something, and I suppose he did. Him noticing my absence at dinner, and no doubt guessing that there was a reason for it. His friends knowing that we spent time together and his assurance that they were to be trusted. My nodding at his assurance, like his word was all I needed to trust my reputation to a bunch of boys he himself called 'tossers'. Something had changed, I don't know where, and I don't know when, but it all felt so strange. Too exhausted to question it, I allowed him to tickle the pear and left my requests with an eager looking house elf.

We ate in silence, the food soothing and warm and I felt the static in my head begin to clear. Finally, after my roll was reduced to crumbs, I turned my attention to my dining partner. He was bright eyed with a small smile curving his lips and he was... filthy. Not in the high society kind of way my parents would think, just literally dirt covered. And he smelt kind of... ripe. How had I not noticed that before? Before I could give it a second thought I had my wand out and aimed at his head. I saw the surprise and shock register in his eyes, but just flicked my wand. He stared at me for pretty near 3 minuites before even a word was uttered.

"Did you just... clean me?" he asked incredulously.

"You smelled." I sniffed with a prim tone lacing my words. Still, he stared and that was the first time I'd ever seen Theodore Tonks at a loss for words. He startled me though, when he burst out into a fit of laughter.

"I thought you were going to hex...but then you cleaned me... you do nothing if not astonish me, Andromeda Black." The statement was peppered with his laugh and I found that nothing sounded better than astonish and my name when surrounded with such a sound. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and dropped my gaze, hoping that he wouldn't notice. Maybe he really did have a chilverious streak running through him, because he didn't pursue the subject, instead he changed it.

"Are you leaving for spring holiday tomorrow?"

"Yes, I've received an owl from my mother informing me that my announcement ceremony would be held mid week. I really don't have a choice but to go. Are you going home as well?" I kept my voice de-attached, pretending instead that we were to celebrate Cissy's announcement ceremony and not my own.

"Mhm, Hogwarts food is suburb, but it's still not my Mum's pudding. Besides, Da can always use some help at the store. People go mad before holidays and try to buy the place out" He had explained to me before that his dad was a grocer, but it still seemed odd that muggle's had to go out and buy raw food. I really don't think I've ever seen an uncooked piece of meat in my life, and Ted told me sometimes his job was to slice it for customers! It really was a different world, but I found myself intrigued instead of disgusted.

"I hope you have a nice holiday, then. I know that I'll be missing the house elf's fare while I'm gone." It was coming on curfew, but I didn't want to think of the trek to the dungeons or the traditional food I'd be eating or going home or seeing the Dolohov's for the first time since marriage was a word said out loud between our two families.

" 'Dromeda, I um... wanted you to know that I consider you a friend and I know that you're not going into the best situation but if you ever need somebody to talk to you can always owl me if you can find a way and we can meet up somewhere or just exchange letters. I'm worried about you, and I... uh... just let me know if there's anything I can do, alright? It doesn't sound like you have too many friends going into this..."

He paused and I waited a breath to see if he'd continue. From the rambling outlay of the remark I knew it was something he'd been thinking about for awhile but was having trouble expressing. I didn't even know how I felt about it. Friend? was he my friend? What did that even mean in today's society? I had friends. I had Cissy and Pomfrey. But I couldn't tell Cissy everything and Pomfrey was still technically my superior until I graduated. Ted and my time together wasn't the carefree moments that I witnessed between him and his housemates. It wasn't the underhand games that I had seen between my own housemates either. I could tell him things I couldn't tell others, I trusted his word and his judgement. I looked forward to our conversations and any time we could sneak away.I felt free and uncomplicated in his precense. Like I could be kind, or brave or just my own person and who that was mattered a lot less than the fact that I'd get a change to be her, no matter how brief that chance was.

"Ted, I consider you a friend as well" It was monumental to admit out loud, at least for me. Friends with a muggle born? but it was so, so true. If I was free to chose my own friends, to make my own decisions, to direct my own life... and I know he took the sincerity in my answer, because his resulting smile would have looked lovely even if he was still covered in mud.

Tonight was the last night before I confronted my future head on, the last night before everything changed.

I just hadn't realized how much had changed already


End file.
